My money scripts of old and how I'm rewriting them to open the door to a better future for me and mines!
I first learned about money scripts in an episode of Hidden Brain by Shankar Vedantam. He interviewed psychologist Brad Klontz, who defines a “money script” as “the…beliefs about money that we quite often inherit from our grandparents and our great grandparents and the culture and the people around us and events that are happening.”
In his studies, he found that “these beliefs, most of us aren't even really aware of them, they have a profound impact on our financial outcomes, like our income, our net worth, our financial behaviors, our credit card debt.”
My money scripts held me back for years from moving out, investing, and a slew of other things. They undermined my confidence when I desired to take a different financial path from the one I observed around me. It felt risky, yet necessary to go off-script from what I had grown up with. But it was hard to let go.
Here are a few of my money scripts that held me back.
It’s either, or. You can only spend money once is a fact that instead of inspiring discernment in my spending, induced a state of decision paralysis and hyper-vigilance over every dollar I spent. This all-or-nothing thinking of I can have this or I can have that but certainly I can't have both ever in this life is both untrue and unhelpful in supporting a more sensible approach to my financial reality.
Debt is a game and you are going to lose. I avoided debt like the plague in my early adulthood because I saw how people in my life were racking up credit card and student loan debt seemingly without a care in the world. I knew I wanted to avoid that at all costs and, by the grace of God, on the student loan front, I did. But my inability to avoid credit card debt, my anxiety every time I used my credit card or was pressured into paying for something I didn't have the cash to pay for on hand, left me for years feeling guilt, incompetence, shame, and powerlessness. It was particularly hard when I found myself thinking I was making good financial decisions, yet my credit card statement was always there to tell me that was a lie. That I was not as smart as I thought I was. That I was not who I thought I was. That I wasn't doing enough. That I'd end up like the people around me growing up, so completely lost in debt that it wasn't worth thinking about anymore.
You'll never make enough. Is there any such thing as being financially comfortable? Surely there must be. Surely everyone isn't combing through every paycheck like a hawk, accounting for every cent. Surely someone's income somewhere is more than enough to sustain their needs and wants without having to supplement it with other sources. It was difficult to see people around me with "good jobs" come home and still have to figure out how bills were to be paid. It signaled to me that no matter how much you bring home, there may be a chance that it won't be enough.
But I can rewrite these scripts. I don't have to keep reading them over and over again. I can write my own story, change how I think, and commit to living according to truth and freedom.
I have more than enough for what I need. I will not go hungry. I will not be cast out on the street. I will not have to take on multiple jobs. I will not have to sacrifice my body or mental wellbeing for money. I have enough for myself and enough to be generous to others. I will be okay. I always have been. I always will be.
Not whether, when. I can't pay for the SUP class this month, but I'll pay for it next month. I can't go to Costa Rica for my birthday if I want to go Aruba in May and I can't go to Ireland next summer if I want to make it to my friends' wedding in September. But, I can go somewhere local for my birthday this year and I can plan to go to Ireland the following summer. It's not whether I'll ever get The Low End Theory record, it's just when. It's not will I pay for therapy or my personal training. It's about figuring out how I can do both sustainably. It's about saying "not right now" instead of "no." I have to constantly remind myself that I may not be able to have all my heart's desires right now, today. But I am capable of achieving my financial goals and investing in my joy and wellbeing overtime.
My net worth is not my self-worth. Despite my best efforts to not identify with my job or my tax bracket, it's hard to not wonder if other people see me as less than because of how much they think I earn. But the reality is, other people’s perception of me shouldn’t be my concern to begin with. It's not about how they see me, it's what I know about myself. I am enough. Simple as that.
But those are mine. What about you, friend? What money scripts do you have that aren't working for you? What inherited ideas are you carrying that aren't helping you? You've got the pen, my friend. What will you write?
Thalia, 26, is trying to stay prayed up, read up, and locked in on moving in wisdom.
