Solitude doesn't have to be spooky, dear!
It's come to my attention that some people struggle to do things alone! Come, my dear, allow me to show you the way. Or at least one way. There are many. Take from this what you will, and leave the rest.
For an infinite amount of reasons, you may be struggling with doing something alone. I will not attempt to name them all, but perhaps you're just used to always doing things with others. If you're now interested – by choice or by circumstance – in doing things alone, here is a three-step process I pray you find helpful.
Quick disclaimer: 1) I'm functionally an only child lol. 2) I'm the youngest in an extended family that generally practiced and celebrated independence. 3) I've never been in a long-term romantic relationship. I attribute my experience with and affinity for solo activities to these dimensions of my background. Just wanted to mention that in case none of this is jiving with you.
Whether it's attending a local jazz event, taking a trip to Tokyo, or learning a new skill, pick something you're interested in and that you think you'd enjoy (even if you're not 100% sure). I'm not saying you have to be heads over heels about it or even know much about it at all, but pick something that you want to experience or at least know more about and commit, however loosely, to pursuing it. Resist the urge to run it by others to have them validate your new quest, and make a promise to yourself that no matter what happens – whether you love it or hate it – that you'll experience this for yourself and not through the experience of someone else.
You don't have to have every single detail pinned down about the thing, but having a little energy behind it may increase your excitement about it (and confidence going into it) as it gets closer. If it's a trip, find a really cool anchor. If it's an event, plan out a cute outfit that you're really excited to wear. If it's a skill, find some inspiration about it online or in a book to get the creativity flowing. Whatever the thing is, taking baby steps towards it will 1) increase your courage and 2) build a sense of excitement that this experience is yours to have.
The day has come! You've got your concert ticket, boarding pass, or class booking in hand! You're ready to do the thing – alone! First of all, round of applause. You made it to this moment even though it may have felt challenging. Good on you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to try something new. Second of all, remember it's okay if you're uncomfortable. You may find yourself not really having a good time doing whatever you're doing alone. And that's okay, too. Just be sure to dig into what's not feeling good and get specific about it so you can explore it further. But you also may find yourself having an absolute ball, noticing new things about yourself, expanding your perspective on something, and perhaps even making a new friend! Doing the thing doesn't guarantee you'll have a good time, but doing it alone guarantees you'll learn something new about yourself and/or the world around you.
Sometimes, when you're used to sharing perspectives so closely with others all the time, it's really nice to disconnect a bit and really see something through your own eyes without the influence of others. At the end of the day, the reality of going it alone with anything is that you're never truly alone. There are typically other students in a class, other fans at a concert, and certainly other tourists in a city. Your solo experience, by nature of being a person in the world, will always beconnected with those around you.
I'm not saying to go it alone all the time (community is strength!) But if you do give it a go, I hope you’re a little more confident about it than you did before.
Good luck out there, dear. I believe in you!
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